The road to wellness isn't straight, clear, or predictable. It's a path you forge yourself.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

A Big Hug for Parent Wannabes

This week, I started fertility treatments again.  I was doing them about 2 years ago, but took a year-long hiatus from it.  I had gotten to the point where the mere thought of going into the doctor's office turned me into an emotional wreck.   Since then, I have lost some weight and have gotten healthier so I thought it was worth another shot.  For those in the know, I am trying IUIs with injectibles.  This is not nearly as invasive as IVF.  I'm not that hopeful since it didn't work the last time, but I'm a little scared of IVF.  This IUI cycle is my last try before I resign myself to the full whack of in-vitro. 

Yesterday morning, I went in super early (7:00am!) for the fertility doctors visit and saw other couples there.  They looked young and healthy and anxious.  I just wanted to give them all a big hug and say, "I TOTALLY know what you're going through".  So----here's a big, virtual hug to all the infertile couples out there.  I totally know what you're going through.

I know that with every year that goes past, you get more and more anxious about that ticking clock.

I know that while you paste on a smile when others tell you they're pregnant, you just can't be truly happy for them.  No matter how much you might want to be.

I know that each mother's day that goes past gets more and more difficult to bear.

I know that when you see terrible parents, you just want to shake them.

I know that you want to scream at God and shout "why?" when yet another teenager gets pregnant even though they were on birth control.

I know that you lose all hope as your friends' children get older and older.   You had wanted your children to grow up with them.

I know that it's another slap in the face when you try for adoption and realize that it's even more difficult and expensive and takes years longer than you ever imagined.

I know that the worst thought is, "what if I go through all of the procedures known to man and it doesn't work?"  What if I never get to have children?  

I know.  I wish I could tell you that it's going to be okay.  For now though, all I can offer is a big hug and lots of understanding.  Most people have no idea.


  1. I feel for you...Tim and I just emotionally can't handle that and have decided to forgo it, though it will probably mean no kids for us...and let me tell you, seeing other people with kids, baby showers, etc is hard for us to handle...

  2. Hugs to you!
    This is something our society ignores. That is why I'm so open about my stuff. I feel like there should be more awareness and an open dialog. (Especially when I hear so many people brag about their children, grandchildren, etc. They don't mean to be insensitive, but they are because society has not made them aware that a large percentage of the population have issues in this area.)

    I really hope you get kids someday one way or another.